Ants in my pants and crazy in my brain

So, I lost two weeks pay over a weird paperwork snaffu with my last company because I sprained my ankle.

And, well, my ankle still looks like someone used it for a pinata.

And, the new job offered me less money than in the interview, but, its still a good offer.

So, the overall trend is up. But I am just a ball of crazy.

Crying for no reason, not sleeping, grumpy and irritable. I have got to get out of my head.

So I gave myself a face mask this morning, did all my awkward shitty emailing and got it out of the way, and got some nice ones back from sound friends. I think I am going to go self tanning (no judgement) for the relaxation and pampering, and then run some errands. Maybe get some highlights.

I gotttaaa do something and I can’t run or climb…

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Got a new job, don’t have to have ankle surgery….

This week is looking up!

I will be moving into medical communications, away from any kind of technical in the lab type responsibilities, and I will be working much closer to Zurich. Good news! Salary is a bit less than I was hoping for, but well, its a post graduate start!

 

My ankle also turned out to be not as bad as I thought it would be. There is only one really badly torn ligament, and three less badly torn ligaments. My doctors thinks the recovery will be smooth, and I will be back to posting more interesting updates than the badluck which keeps kicking my butt!

 

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High Ankle Sprain with possible surgical future…

So it turns out I not only injured my ankle pretty seriously, but also pretty uniquely. I twisted it stepping off a curb while running which I didn’t see, and ended up sobbing in the middle of the road. It was a traumatic running evening. It seemed like it hurt more than it should, and I had some suspicious pain at the outside of my knee as well. I got an Xray, and a cast, and was sent off from the ER.

So Tuesday I went to my Sports Med doctor. She had seen me before, and even for this ankle. It had been unstable, and was causing a nerve to be pinched in the outside of my knee, but didn’t want to do an operation because the nerve was too inflamed. She remembered me, appreciated the records I brought her, and got right too it. No closed cast, no complete immobilisation, and physio starting this week. I had physio yesterday, and MRI today, and a second consultation with her tomorrow. She believes I not only damaged the lateral ligaments which typically get damaged in a twisted ankle, but that I tore the ligaments connecting the tibia to the fibula. Google tells me this is a high ankle sprain, and it is not good. It is also probably why it is not that swollen.

I find out tomorrow my prognosis :-(. Looks like the only adventures I will be going on is to physio and back for the next few weeks.

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Sprained/torn ligaments ankle…

missed a curb… fucking hell… doctors put me in a cast for six weeks which sounds like an insane way to recover from a sprained ankle.

 

Anyone, anyone?

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A visceral, physical joy

This is going to seem cheesy, or, well, overblown, but I was really missing my Adventure Journal.  I switched to a new mac and somehow didn’t manage to bring all my bookmarks along with me, also switching from Firefox to Chrome. For awhile, I revelled in the adventure of re-discovering the links I liked, figuring that if I loved it that much, I wouldn’t lose it.

Well, I have been searching for this one since August. Often weekly, generally consistently, struggling to remember the name. I thought it was Mountain Journal: totally different thing. I put in keywords, I traced link through link hoping to catch it. I jumped randomly and racked my brain.

Each of these sessions ended with a tiny internal pain. The streamlined web design. Their weekly cabins.. The humour and humorous polls. Sigh. Inner pain. Sigh.

I found it today. I found it I FOUND it.

An inner, visceral, buried under my rib cage ball of pleasure. I am so happy. I can feel that happiness flowing through me warmly, the anticipation of FOUR MONTHS of essays, commentary, videos and photography. And I just discovered they are putting out a print quarterly, with articles and photos not found online. I am sold. Subscription booked, international shipping fee paid, bookmark made.

Its like coming home.

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Things, goals, ideas all have an expiration date.

Some are just sooner than others.

 

‘To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those things that have outlived their purpose. To throw away what you no longer need is neither wasteful nor shameful‘.

Emphasis added. ‘The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up‘; Marie Kondo

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Effort not ability.

”Effort is one of the things that gives meaning to life.

Effort means that you care about something, that something is important to you and you are willing to work for it.

It would be an impoverished existence if you were not willing to value things and commit yourself to working towards them”.

 

From Drive, by Daniel Pinkman, Quoting Carol Dweck who you can see speaking in this short, watchable, digestable Ted Talk.

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Starbucks, bacteriophage, procrastination….

 

wow so familiar

A time machine, bringing me back, back, back. A few months maybe, writing my thesis and desperate for a job. A few years maybe, writing the first thesis and desperate for a PhD position… a few years before that and maybe, just, excited?

I have been involved in bacteriophage therapy for 7 years. Well, I thought I had finished and could write that as past tense, but here I am, a sucker to a flattering request from America to co-author a textbook chapter. Which I have to admit I did not manage to add much to yet.

It was a tough December, a tough few months really, but as this year rolls into the next it is time to stop making excused. Clearly I am making progress as I sit here in Starbucks, writing about writing about bacteriophages, once again, likely always.

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Burnt out post PhD

I think I am a cliche.

A burn out post PhD Millennial disenchanted with her new big girl job in a city 350 km away from her life and friends and boyfriend.

Now I have to figure out how to get unburnt out without getting deported from Swissland.. sigh… anyone?

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First run since September!

photo 2

Pretty happy with my consistency, and how easy it was feeling to breathe!

Unfortunately no much sidewalk to run on, but I went for it anyway

Unfortunately no much sidewalk to run on, but I went for it anyway

In September I ran my first half marathon. I was untrained, unprepared and pretty miserable the entire way. I finished though, with a non-horrendous time of 2:37. I also wasn’t injured. But apparently, I have asthma.

I knew I had some issues during pollen season, and would get a bit wheezy around a ton of rabbits, but usually I don’t struggle to breathe, to the best of my knowledge. In april, I had a viral infection and the first time I went running after that put me on my ass, I couldn’t finish sentences. Probably should have gone to the doc then, but I got there in the end…

Five months later as I straggled across the end of the half marathon, something was wrong. I was wiped, exhausted all the time, cold. I also had a cough of a 90 year old chain smoker. I would eventually go to the doctor, be told I had bronchitis, and end up back again the next week after turning blue. Now with two different puffers, some wicked nose spray, and a plan to chart my lung capacity I was off.

This was six weeks ago, more or less. Now I am ramping down my asthma meds, and introducing some zone 1 and 2 exercise again. I go for hour long walks most days, depending on the number of hours I spend on a train, and last night was my first run. I slightly overreached in terms of %HR, but it felt solid, smooth and most of all, effortless. I am going to keep cruising slowly along and eventually, I know, I will get back to where I was and then I will sail on by!

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